Empowered Divas: Exuberant Eunice

Empowered Divas: Exuberant Eunice:  Eunice Kilonzo is not your average 23 year old! I had the distinct honor and privileged of spending close to a week with her and couldn't...

Call for Volunteer Bloggers/Contributors!

Do you LOVE to write? Are you Comfortable writing and talking about TRIBALISM, POLITICS and PEACE? Would you like to be part of a Youth led Peace Initiative?

I AM NOT MY TRIBE is looking for YOU! If you have something to say about tribalism, (negative) ethnicity, peace concerns, political and current events where you are, get in touch, we'd love to share your thoughts with our Kenyan/ global audience! 

Email a resume, short writing sample and a cover letter (with your reasons why you would like to contribute your experiences, what you think you could bring to the blog, and your main areas of interest that you would like to write about) to: 

eunicekkilonzo@gmail.com with the Subject line: I AM NOT MY TRIBE

Looking forward to hearing from YOU!

The Making of a Feminist: Part I

The Making of a Feminist: Part I

I got to Hilton Bata at exactly 2pm. I was hungry but my excitement clouded this. You see, today is going to be an historic day. I was one of the participants to attend the Bi-annual Feminist Leadership Institute in Naivasha! The Lake Naivasha Country Club to be precise. When I got there with a packet of fries on my hand I spotted a few young girls with luggage on their side and I was certain these would be my new friends in a few hours. What I found interesting is that, these were totally new faces to me yet I knew there was something in common that we shared. I just couldn’t put my finger to it.

I did not know whether to approach any of them, and how to do it as one of my ‘best kept secret’ is that I am very shy especially to strangers. But a light complexion bubbly lady did not have this mantra; she just came up to me, smiled and said: I am Faith, is this where Young Women Leadership Institute (YWLI) is picking people from? From her question I could pick she was from Mombasa, feeling at home now I said, yes…and I am Eunice. We sat together to our destination and exchanged stories now and then. Until now, I hadn’t known any of the participants yet. However, by the time we were waiting to get our keys to our rooms, I had known a few as well as realize that I had not carried my tooth-paste! By dinner time, I had known:

Catherine (who shared her tooth-paste with me and my tent neighbour- she was in Tent 2 while I was in Tent 1)

Iminza (who was quiet but had an ‘athletic’ aura going on, Tent 3)

Rachael (slender, bespectacled with a beautiful gap between her very white teeth, Tent 4)

Faith (my ‘first’ friend who we also shared with the table during dinner)

Becky (with neatly made Abuja lines and with telltale signs of stories to share upon knowing her)

Gloria (first thing you notice about her is the infectious smile and short precise answers)

Jane (she was one of the organizers alongside Nicole and Kathambi. She was calm collected and her parting words were: We met tomorrow at 7am for stretches and exercises! Ahem)

Jackie (quiet as well, relaxed with a tinge of reservations and a mature demeanour)

Esther (Bubbly, excited, talkative and a sense of fashion style)

Trizah (who was in a green low cut dress-top, a smile clouded in mystery of what is going on in her mind but excited all the same)

Mary (whose eyes flickered with anticipation and jolliness of being amassed among other young ladies)

Emma (whose lovely smile, smooth complexion, American height and laughter added variety to the already mixed bag of great women leaders)

12 beautiful ladies, who I will learn and share the leadership space in the next three days. I was excited as well, what would tomorrow hold?

Who sank her Ship?

We saw the ship at the far Seas. It the was calm then, very calm after the storm but a smoldering breeze crept in.

The ship swayed left and right.
Left.
Right.
It shook, it sighed, it pushed, it resisted, it struggled but a series of big waves came.
They blast the ship.

In the middle, on the sides, at the front, the back.
Small chunks of wood.
The oil spill.
Limp on the water it lay.

The weather changed, the clouds darkened, darkness smeared its fragrance all over.
Oh! the turbulence.

More ships swayed, the thirsty angry Hail walked in.
Head high.
Demanding attention.
She opened her mouth and blew a kiss : a kiss of death.
Of terror.

More ships were destroyed, sailors were displaced. A harbour nearby blew up, yet another gave way.

The mess.
The disruption.
She kissed some more.
The ship on the high seas heard the warning.

They are scared, petrified, unprepared...BUT

The HAIL says she wont stop...spreading her love, her kisses, her touch.
She wont stop until she is given an audience, the audience that sank HER SHIP.

I'd Rather Write

I'd rather Write

She said it was easy
but
I couldn't get it

She said it was simple
but
I found it hard

Algebra, Differentiation
Bearings, Integration
Maths...Maths
MATHS

She caned me for:
Miscalculation,
Wrong formula, wrong step
What is so hard about this Eunice?
It is just simple maths
Simple easy calculations...

No Miss, but its not..
Its not a sentence, a simile,
a phrasal verb...
Its H-a-r-d

Maths is...is...difficult for me,
I would rather...
WRITE
Write poems
Write short stories
Write Scripts

See...this is easy,
This is simple.

Blogger: My Digital Paper

Blogger is a Google Product that I am grateful for. It is accessible both on computer and on mobile thus able to write on the move.

In 2007, Kenya was heading for the General elections and negative ethnic polarities were rife. The elections were marred with violence, internal displacement of families and deaths. The Media and politicians accused each other for this. Things were getting out of hand, I had to speak up, I could write about it, Blogger came to my rescue, literary. I created my first blog, I AM NOT MY TRIBE, at that time.

I had a vantage point, where I could write (still write) about tribalism, its effects on society as well as other social injustices. I learnt how to share my links on Facebook and email and slowly people were checking out my blog! There it was, Blogger facilitating communication on topical issues and five years on, I can attest that my blog has been used as a reference point for discussions, forums and analysis.

Blogger is an integral part of my life as a Kenyan and a young African, as communication in no longer a mirage. As a writer, Blogger has let my story be heard. If this is not an integral part of Africa, then I don’t know what is...what do you think?

I am a human being first, Gay second

His black and grey stripped college sweater gave him a youthful look. His neat shaved hair and beard gives one the impression that Mark is particular about his grooming. The soft spoken young man is the elephant in the room as the members of the workshop do not know him and neither is he being introduced.

“Hello, I am Mark I am gay, an MSM and a LGBTI activist…” he said adjusting the microphone to ensure that what he said was clear for all. Heads turned, few jaws (especially from the ladies) dropped and more people listened to the revelation.

“Well for those who do not know LGBTI means Lesbians Gay Bisexual Transsexual Intersexual and for MSM means Men having Sex with men.” He concluded and took a deep breath. 

One could sense the change of atmosphere in the room. Eyes roved around the room as if to search for certain answers. The young man in front of the dais had said it, without fear of criticism, that he was gay. Unlike common misconceptions in the society, Mark did not have a third leg or spikes all over his face. He was a ‘kawaida’ guy who unless he told you his sexual orientation you would never have guessed otherwise. 

Mark continued “I had been in the closet for a while about my sexuality. I knew I was gay during my adolescent, actually when I was 14. My mum particularly was suspicious of me but she couldn’t a certain. However, early this year she confronted me about it.”

From how Mark was talking, it was clear that he was addressing an issue that many shun from talking about. Homosexuality is a topic most if not all parents want to talk about. Here is a young man, who the society views as odd, a misfit and weird. Interestingly, Mark is quick to point out that he is as normal as everyone what sets him apart is his choice of sexual orientation and matters pertaining to sex. Otherwise, he should not be discriminated or/and stigmatized for being gay and particularly in opportunities such as acquiring a job and the likes.

He proceeds to add that in this age of HIV and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI), they take precaution. Considering the high rates of HIV and STI infections through anal sex, Mark and his partner use water based lubricants and Latex condoms. However, there are instances that he gets an STI and when he seeks medical attention his case attracts unnecessary intrusion from the nurses who want to know how a man got throat gonorrhoea. 

Mark is questioned whether being gay is a behaviour or practices of the wealthy in society, he states:

“Homosexuality is not a rich man status, neither is it a poor man’s as well. Anyone can be gay…actually, gay people can tell someone who is gay from a crowd. We have some sort of connection…so it not a particular group only”.

Despite his composure, he has several fears. To begin with, he is wary of how his dad will take it when he discovered he is gay considering he is his sole provider and the one paying his university fees. His mother on the other hand does not like to accept his sexual orientation, in fact once she tried to take him to psychiatrist. In addition he dreads upon being known to be gay and consequently being disowned by his family. His bag of fears are not yet over has he is afraid of losing more friends after knowing his sexuality. Furthermore, homophobia in Kenya is at an all time high. Members of LGBTI are always under the fear of a homophobic attack as witnessed in South Africa and Uganda.

His hope is that the society would first try to understand the LGBTI community before holding prejudices against them. 

“Many view us as queer, as immoral…I hope they know and understand us, me first without passing judgment”

Stanley Ngara: Campaigning for safe sex

The moment Stanley Ngara walks into the workshop hall something strikes you about him. His short stature is highly compensated by his loud captivating voice. His black jacket has a red ribbon, the HIV/AIDS symbol, pinned to it. Ngara is a counsellor and a community mobilize with Liverpool Voluntary Counselling and testing (LVCT), an organization that is involved in matters of reproductive health as well as HIV/AIDS testing and counselling. Ngara’s presentation is on the A to Z of HIV, with a focus on prevention among youths. What is fascinating about this discussion is how he tackles issues considered taboo in such an easy, assertive, comical, youth- friendly way.
 

“You know, I carry more condoms in my pocket than cash...if you meet me in town, ask me for condoms”, he candidly speaks to the crowd.

He has with him a black bag that carries his ‘paraphernalia’ which include more condoms, the male and female condom and his note book. From the onset, it is evident that protected sex is his main agenda. He interactively involves his audience by asking:

“How does someone contract HIV?”

Unprotected sexual intercourse with an infected person, sharing HIV contaminated tools (razors and needles) alongside blood transfusion were named to be the main reasons for the spread of HIV and especially among young people. To emphasize on the rapid spread of HIV, Ngara created a chain of relationships drawn from the listeners. 

He picked a young man and woman, who represented a married couple. He asked another young lady to join the couple, who stood next to the ‘husband’ to represent a girlfriend (a clandestine relationship) and the girlfriend (who is a campus student), had an affair with her lecturer for better grades. More and more listeners were linked up to the chain; they represented maids, wives, electricians, water-man and so forth. In all the named relationships, for one reason or another, did not use condoms during sex. This highlights the magnitude that HIV can spread if one person in the link had either HIV or even an STI. It would have a ripple effect in the entire flow. Through the simple words and demonstration Ngara echoed that the most vulnerable population to HIV/AIDS is through casual sex partners also ‘mpango wa kando.’

More illustrations were underway. Next, he used his models (the male and female reproductive organs) for condom demonstration. The DO’s and DONTs for correct and consistence condom use. As he was wrapping one condom on the male model he said:

“Always use a condom, it is the best way to protect yourself and partner, ladies if the man refuses to put on one, you can be tactful and creative I will show you how “Ngara said.

As ladies tuned to the charismatic speaker, he confidently unwrapped a condom and tossed it into his mouth. In doing so, Ngara was demonstrating a woman can tactfully sheath a man’s penis using her mouth! Now that was re-inventing the wheel! Ngara further highlighted the importance of protection and the efforts the government is doing to minimize HIV infections and re-infections. Unknown to most of the participants, the government spends Kshs 3 to buy a condom for the public use. As the session was coming to an end, a lot had been learnt and one was certain that Ngara tackled a topic that many people assumed they know or avoided addressing.  His creativity, spontaneity and humour resounded long after he had left.

Echoes of a Commercial Sex Worker

“Nilipata short ya Kshs 15000 as a cashier, lazima ningeilipa”, Sophie cleared her throat and spoke softly.

Sophie case tells the tale of many young girls who are trapped in the sex work world. Various circumstances have pushed them to the hard life of the streets in order to survive. The short in the accounts in Sophie’s case is such an example. Other reasons include unemployment, failed relationships, negative peer pressure among others. Unfortunately Sophie confesses that once in commercial sex work it is hard to leave it. Interestingly, there is more to her story. A scratch on the surface and one unearths a myriad of reasons why she opted to be in the red light district.

Sadly, commercial sex work thrives not only in major towns but also in other smaller towns such as Gilgil, a satellite town of Nakuru where Sophie hails from. This boom is due to either the action or inaction of various stakeholders in the community. For instance, parents front their young as neighbours’ watch in silence as more and more youths are sold off to the streets. Peer pressure and willing clients further fans this problem. Prostitution is illegal in Kenya but the business is lucrative nonetheless.

It raises the question: why do young women such as Sophie get into the “flesh business” in the first place? Well, talking to Sophie as I had mentioned tells you that there is more than she is saying. Through her speech and comments I noticed some pertinent issues that contribute to the state/job she is in. 

To begin with, she confesses that she has unresolved issues with her parents/guardian, she says:

“Wazazi wangu hawanipendi, wananichukia sana...they always neglected my opinions...nilihepa home”

This rejection coupled with a low paying job and low self esteem drove Sophie to the streets of Gilgil. During the day she spends her time sleeping before joining many other girls in the twilight business. She has no qualms about it describing it as any other work however void of any emotional attachment.

“Ni biashara kama zingine...I get a customer, he pays first and I give him the service...nothing more!”

Unknown to her and many other girls trapped in commercial sex work (CSW), the streets in the long run suppresses their dreams, conscience as well as their pain. Being a sex worker, Sophie confesses that she separates her body from the sex work. She numbs any feelings she has towards any of her clients. 

“There are clients that I like but I can’t be involved with them after the business, no feeling...thats how it is”

Sophie is however careful in her daily business. According to her, she has never had unprotected sex with any of her partners. In fact, without protection, she refuses to have sex. This has not been easy for some clients promise to give her more cash provided she has unprotected sex with them. 

Sophie who when growing up wanted to be a nurse, hope to pursue her dream. How? She hopes to achieve this by training as a HIV/AIDS counsellor. She hopes to reach out to her fellow CSW, asking them to be tested, knowing their status will help them plan their lives. 
 

Even though she paid the Kshs 15,000 debt, Sophie as well as many other girls is yet to be freed from the shackles of commercial sex work. To be freed from this form of modern day ‘slavery’.

The Unspoken Truths

Ask any young person when their parents sat them down and talked to them about sex and dating, and I bet you will get uncomfortable cringes. This is sadly the case for wasee wengi who are inquisitive but do not get the answers needed. With the era of Google and Wikipedia, they are religiously consulted regardless of the lies, myths and half truths.

Kevin Njuki, 22, a student at University of Nairobi recalls how his mother talked to him as he was growing up.

“My mother says, take care of yourself, but she is not specific from what. However, I got that she meant nicheki the guys I hang out with as well as the chick I had”.

Njuki as well as Barasa Wafula, his roommate, agree that these talks with parents are not directed towards a particular issue and are frequently punctuated with weird silences and assumption that the young person will learn in school. It also feels like a taboo subject and that that they ought to get answers elsewhere.

Beside the internet, peers and the media are other sources of information and answers. This at times predisposes young people to fallacies and uongo mob leaving one more confused than how they were in the beginning. It further explains the risks as a youth take; learning the bitter truth through nasty experiences, unwanted pregnancies, STIs and at times HIV/AIDS.

Youths need to G-FAHAMISHA on matters of reproductive health, relationships and a lot more. Parents as well as young people are important elements in this knowledge process. There is need for these truths to be spoken, shared and to be readily available for this Google generation. Embarrassment is bound to cloud these conversations but it is better to prevent a leak than to have an entire ship sinking.  I challenge you to open up your communication channels with your parents and if you are a parent reading this, why not start it?