The Battle that I won...still winning...

My battle with Low-Self Esteem

Growing up, I was teased about my looks. You see, I have a slightly longer lower lip. I did not know about it. Found out when I was ten years old as I looked at myself in the mirror. Otherwise, I did not know about it. Children my age would make funny faces such as pulling their lower lip when they meet me. During the weekends my mum would apply lipstick to my younger sister and I. This however offended me; so much that I always rubbed it off. I opted to look plain lest the lip becomes conspicuous than it already is. By 13 yet another obstacle grew, literary. I had some soft growths on my upper gums. I did not know they were teeth, molars actually. So, due to their late growth, the other teeth in my mouth grew thus leaving no space for these two ‘late comers’. A further nose dive to my self esteem and confidence as this meant I would not smile; I would not talk in class and have any form of interaction.

I grew up with the inferiority complex always avoiding jokes, people and burying my head in books. However, when I joined form one, my life transformed for good. For one, I meet teachers who looked beyond looks and appreciated me for me, my talents and capabilities. The once reserved and antisocial Eunice broke out of the cocoon and although it was hard in the beginning, I managed.

To begin with I tried my hand in school leadership first becoming an activity prefect and later on a deputy head girl. I later joined the Law debate club, Rotaract and even the Science club. I would make presentations in the district level both in science based projects as well as in art exhibition. I couldn’t believe the person I was becoming. The more people, as well as myself, believed in my ‘looks’ (I even participated in fashion shows in school) and my shy smile the more it boost my confidence, niliG-iamini! This does not mean that nimefika with it’s a continuous process through socializing with different people, developing my talents and being optimistic.

Low self esteem in adolescents has been associated with a number of risk and protective factors. This is because, self esteem is an overall reflection of an individual’s self worth, encompasses beliefs about oneself as well as an emotional response to those beliefs. According to a research by the department of psychological and Brain sciences, Dartmouth Medical School, low self esteem has been associated with a number of psychological, physical and social consequences that influences development and transition into adulthood. This growth may be punctuated with depression, anxiety, suicide, early sexual debut as well a substance use and abuse. Thus, this consequently puts young people and especially those with esteem issues at high risks of being manipulated and vulnerable to risky behaviours.

It is not an easy process to look within one self and believing that you are beautiful/ handsome despite ones shortcomings. Hanging out with positive minded individuals goes a long way in boosting ones morale. Furthermore, it is wise to look beyond what you do not have to what makes you unique. Because I later found out that low self esteem is a form of pride as nothing else matters but you, your problems. Most young people get ‘married’ to low self esteem coupled with sadness and pity such that a compliment or when the encounter happiness, they feel like they are ‘cheating’.

So I bought a Nivea lip gloss that I can’t wait to use. You see am preparing for a speech presentation in my public speaking class at the University next week. So I have to look and feel good. NinaG-iamini, Je wewe?